My dear friend took this picture. It reminds me of the 100+ women who are walking this road with me.
I'm angry. Very angry with my daughter right now. So angry, instead of calling to read her her bedtime story, I called to say I couldn't read to her. She beat my body so hard this year that I need this time away from her just to recuperate, but even though she isn't here physically hitting me, the damaged parts are able to be re-injured so easily she might as well be. I can't believe she has stolen a day in Paris from me.
I understand my daughter better than anyone on this planet so I very VERY rarely am angry with her. And I most certainly will NOT modify her consequences based on my emotions, but I just needed a break last night. I wasn't angry when she kicked my breastbone. I wasn't angry when I had to spend half my income for months and months of chiropractor visits just so I could walk this year. But now, when she's stolen Paris from me... I'm pissed. And, I don't want to tell her because then she will try to injure me so I can't enjoy Paris when I come back. As long as she doesn't think she can hurt me, she doesn't try to hurt me. I only get hurt when she's having a breakdown and I need to keep it that way.
Last night, on a seemingly normal train ride, I noticed a few bumps and thought "It's a good thing I'm better now or that would have hurt." I've been on this train, over those bumps multiple times so the fact that I noticed them tells me that they are what threw my breastbone out of place.
I was very tired and miserable on the two block walk to the bus stop. At the bus stop, I kept thinking that if I had a fever, I'd want to lay down right now. I was having some issues breathing, but still didn't realize I was re-injured. I thought I was just tired. And, it was misting and I'm not used to humidity anymore. I figured my lungs were having trouble with the high humidity. It was only 9pm and I hadn't done much at all so I didn't know why I was so tired. After opening the front door, I knew I needed to wait to walk up to the 4th (& 1/2) floor. In fact I just wanted to lay down, but I took the stairs slowly and made it. As soon as I sat on my bed I massaged my breast-bone like my chiropractor taught me and discovered it. It hurt so bad just to touch that I bawled for five minutes. I couldn't lay down for eons. It is still very tender to the touch. At home, I would go to my chiropractor today. Here, well... I just have to get it back in place. I don't know how though.
So glad I stopped and took this picture on my busy day earlier this week. If I hadn't I would NOT stay home no matter what today.