My boyfriend hits me sometimes.
After working with abused children for so many years, I have zero tolerance so every single time I tell him he may not hit me. He responds with "of course I can hit you, you are my fiancé. I'm allowed to hit you. I reply, "no, you may not". And I leave it at that. But, so far it hasn't irritated me enough to force a full conversation about it. But, I do want it clear that I am still in charge of my body and if I don't like it, it doesn't happen.
Then, the other day he hit me a couple times and I told him "you may not hit me" He replied by hitting my leg a third time while saying that he can. So, I hit him back.
He lit up! He yelled, "YES! exactly!" He grabbed my arm and made me hit his back again, only this time harder. "I am your fiancé so you can hit me and you are my fiancé so I can hit you!"
And I realized that he wasn't hitting me, he was play-tapping me. My years of being around abuse victims has jaded me. All of a sudden I remembered jr. high when multiple guy friends would tell me that they loved hanging out with me because I could take a hit and that meant they could be friends with me. Or the one time a guy cousin told me he liked another cousin better because he could punch her but I wouldn't let him punch me so he couldn't be himself around me. I told him that I bruise easily so he couldn't punch me and why should that be a requirement in our friendship anyway? He told me that it wasn't a requirement, its just guys are more physical so its easier to not have to worry about hurting a girl when hanging out together. And then he corrected himself and said that actually being able to hit me worked just as well as punching her.
All of a sudden I didn't mind being hit at all. But, I did make it clear to the fiancé that he must never touch me when angry. He replied with "of course not, that would be horrible!"